Beware: Rant ahead

Oofda! After 3 months of marriage, I finally post again. Not like anyone reads anyway, buuuuuut whatever.

Despite a couple of butt kickings (which I'll go into detail on in a sec), our marriage is incredibly wonderful. We've never been so in tune with each other, and the time that we are together is just wonderful. Sure, it's more of a phone marriage than anything, since Max lives 2 1/2 hours away, but we're so happy. Mom made the comment that, isn't it incredible being with your best friend for 24/7. He really is my best friend, and understands me better than I understand myself. He's so, so wonderful.

I feel like a jerk because my thank you notes are written for the wedding, and are just sitting there waiting for me to have time to address all of them and send. Sigh.

Gonna take a second to whine, so if you don't like whining, skip to next paragraph. :P It pretty much sucks coming home to an empty house every day, and not seeing my husband for weeks at a time. We love each other more than anything, and it's almost tangible it's so obvious. I just really wish that I could see him more than a couple of days a month. Several of my friends got married, and they're all living together and having a high-ho time. We're having no picnic. It's so hard to take that we have to live apart at least until I'm done student teaching, but then to know that in just a few shorts weeks after I finish, he'll deploy to Iraq for a year. As in, return in late spring 2010. If THAT'S not sucky enough, I just found out that he might have to leave earlier than his unit to help get things packed and ready to go in Washington, D.C. He'll leave for 3 weeks in January (right when I finish student teaching and could go visit him for an extended period of time), and another 2 in February, then he leaves in March for real. Let me point out that there are 4-ish weeks in a month. This sucks. I don't understand what the heck I did wrong, or why the stupid government thinks that they should be able to take away my husband, or what the big plan is that God has in store for us. But right now, I am quite frankly at the breaking point. I have been having a difficult time sitting in church because of how upset I am at not only this whole situation but the one with my uncle who is very sick. My aunt, his wife, reads in church, and it breaks my heart to see her read something about not fearing death. It's not fair. None of it is. I know that there's a plan for everyone but seriously? What's up with this? At home, my faith keeps me going. But for some reason, once I get into church, I have a really hard time not crying. I went last weekend, but started crying in the middle of church and had to leave early before Mass started. I feel like a big turd, just because I have rarely been in since the wedding. I know it's not how often you go to church, it's your faith, but I still feel bad. This same kind of thing happened when Max's dad died, and I just couldn't get a hold of the fact that God must be ok with him dying. I really, really don't understand some things, and lately, I feel like I'm getting things shot at me left and right. I also feel like I'm getting more crap put on my plate than the average newlywed, which probably isn't fair to say, because I'm sure others have gone through this too. It's just a lot to handle at one time. Why can't we have the perfect little life that we've dreamed about. I hate that we always have to say "Someday, when we're together. Someday, when we can live in the same house in the same town and go to work and come back each day and have each other. Going to sleep and not waking up alone." It's always someday. Holy crap, I love him so much. And he loves me too. It's just hard right now. So freaking hard. Max asked me one time (during a rant I had over being separated) if I regretted getting married so soon, and seriously, I don't. I wouldn't give it up for anything. I have never been happier in my whole life. For the last five years I have wanted nothing more than just to be with him. And now I am. :) There are just bumps in the road, I guess. But someday.

On the flip side, student teaching is going amazingly well. I love my students, my cooperating teacher(s), the school... it's fabulous. I am really going to miss being there once I'm done. I am learning so much every single day just by watching my co-op, or doing my own teaching. My co-op is just incredible. She knows and understands kids better than anyone I have ever seen, and I feel so fortunate to be able to have her as a mentor. I cannot wait to have my own classroom!

Well, I guess that's enough for now. Probably should try to keep this update more often to document my student teaching, but we'll see.